does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
