He disabled his match.com account in front of me
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
