Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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