:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
