she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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