It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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