I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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