pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
