You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
