Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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