Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
