so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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