tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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