I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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