the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
