I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
