Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
