So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
