ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
