Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
