there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
