no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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