upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is Oprah even human
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
