is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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