the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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