Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
