This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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