the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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