An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
