Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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