I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
