Can Purell be used as lube?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
