And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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