I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
