im holly from the hills drunk
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
