he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
