how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
How's work?
Spinning.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
