Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
