I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
