she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
