508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
