Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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