Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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