ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
