dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
