Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
being pregnant is like rehab
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
why is half of my head shaved?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
