I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
