I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
