you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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