Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
