Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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